It’s October. Liam’s first month at his new school has come and gone. I barely got through it without turning into one of those mothers. The one’s who start emailing the teacher the first week about how the dog really did eat his homework or waltzing into the principle’s office first thing 8am to share a concern about a teacher’s classroom protocol. Adjusting to change is never easy. We’re trying to find our rhythm but every where we turn there seems to be something else new and different disrupting the cadence. While at the eye doctor this morning, we bumped into the school librarian from Liam’s last school. I felt a pang of nostalgia when I saw her as she filled us both in on all the activity going on there. I’ve been worried about Liam missing his old friends and familiar environment, but I’ve been surprised to discover that I actually miss it just as much as he does. That was not expected.
I think I’m probably experiencing the worst burn out at work that I’ve ever had yet in my entire career as a librarian. I think the move over the summer took a lot out of me. I’m tired and could use a full week off just hanging out at my house, taking walks with my dog, reorganizing closets and bookshelves, and unpacking boxes that have been sitting there since July. Just as we’re trying to find rhythm at home, I’m trying to find a way to sync that with work. Nothing feels like it aligns correctly. I find myself staring at my fingers or just generally drifting off into distraction. I write lists and goals for everything, trying to get myself motivated but it only helps sporadically. There is so much I’d like to do. Projects I’d like to try. Thoughts I’d like to express. But I’ve just hit a weird wall of indifference.
October is always the month when I start to get that itch. The one where I feel like retreating from the world a little. I think it’s become a kind of therapy for me, a way to cope or prepare for the coming winter. It’s as if my body and brain are telling me that I need to move with the seasons. I’ve spoke to others up here who experience the same feeling, I guess it’s common when you live in climates like the North Country.